Friday, January 01, 2010

Karma and Revenge

Okay, so other than some events that I had no control over, my life hasn't been too bad lately. Not great due to my pup passing away and some minor agitations, but nothing that I cannot deal with.

I am a pretty sensible woman. I believe in karma, the three fold law, and live by the quote "do good, shut up, go Home" (thanks to Sylvia Browne for putting it so simply). So, when I have done my best to do right by others so that I am really doing right by myself, I get fucking LIT when people try to fuck with me. There is another part of my sensibility and it relates more to practicality. For me it is completely practical to go the fuck after someone who is messing with me. It isn't even practical, to me it is survival. I did NOT get through my hardest years by lying down and taking whatever shit someone tries to hand to me.

I can hear it from you all now, "Hey Chile', what the fuck is wrong?" Let me tell you, I will be glad to let you know. As you know, I started my new job. I love it. For the most part in all honesty. My kids, most of the staff, my hours, what I am doing, and my coworker who is in the room with me (we'll call her L). All of that stuff listed..copacetic. I am good. Where I am not good is a woman (we'll call her Pita for pain in the ass) that got the original job I had interviewed for. Now, first, let me be absolutely clear, I hold no ill will that Pita got the job. Like I said previously, if I got that job it would be great, but the one I have is good and I am content. I am paid the same, less overall responsibility, hands on with the kids, and my hours are still basically the same. I am not looking to make her fuck up, waiting for her to fuck up, nor have I been a bitch to her because she got the job. I am happy for her. I told Boss Lady that I respect the fact that she promotes internally. I think that is a good practice. If you have someone already on staff that is qualified, reward them for the time they have put in. I even told Boss Lady that I wanted to work for her irregardless (giggle Jade, I know you wanna) because of that simple fact. Anyway, back to the Pita shit....But wait I need a new paragraph now...

So, I hit some snags in my first few days there because of this woman. She told me one thing, when in fact, I needed to be doing something else. Now, she is on vacation, so I cannot determine if she did it because she didn't have a fucking clue how to do her former (my now present) job or if she did it to fuck with me. One of my AD's, J, led me to believe it was the latter. I could have reacted way different than I did and it was my first instinct to do so, but I restrained myself. I did the professional thing, told the truth without venom, and moved on. Well, today was a different thing all together. I will have to say, I had some serious "other world" help today. I was about ready to blow the fuck up, find this bitch, and take her with me, but again, I didn't. Here is what happened. During the little munchkins nap time, L and I were talking about redoing some things in our room and changing a lot of things up. We have very similar ideas for the direction we wish to take our kids and are stoked about the change. All of a sudden L looks at me and says, "Ya know, you aren't what I expected you to be." I looked at her and asked her what she meant. She then tells me that Pita told her that what from what she heard from the Boss Lady and AD's that I wasn't that bright in regard to childcare, procedure, and that L would have to hold my hand and lead me about like a slow child. SHE DID NOT FUCKING GO THERE!!!! Well, yup she did.

Now for an interjecting and this is purely for me, I have been in some form of childcare/teacher/nanny employment since I was 16 years old. My customer service is impeccable. I have held other jobs that fostered that skill in me to the Nth degree. As far as procedure, kiss my ass bitch. I follow rules, laws, and job expectations so fuck off there too.

Anyway, so I tell L that I appreciate her sharing that with me. She gets a worried look on her face thinking I am gonna blast Pita and the directors and tell them that L told me. No way. I don't work that way. I did however tell her that I would bring certain things to light of the Boss Lady without in anyway hinting L or even that bitch Pita and what was said. Which I did later in the day and that is resolved. Then again, Pita won't be back from vacation until Monday so that shit will have to wait.

I will not exact revenge. I don't need that coming back to me. I will not be a bitch for the same reason. But there are ways to deal with people who act like this. Her own insecurity in herself is gonna bite her in the ass. See, I have been told that the only reason why I didn't get the AIM job was because one of the AD's didn't know me well enough and wanted someone she already "felt comfortable with". Cool. I was also told that I was/am more qualified for the job. Again cool....whatever...I am happy where I am. But all that aside, I am not going to tolerate some woman who sees me as a threat to mess with me. Karma is indeed a bitch and it fucking sucks when you "get yours".

I am so damn glad it is Friday. Goddess willing, it will be a mellow weekend.


Sunday, April 04, 2004

Recollections of Good Times

Sometimes on these cool, quiet nights, when I am driving with the window down, I detect a scent that takes me back. There it is, the smell of lilacs in springtime, and a picture-in-picture film is in my windshield, sepia and scratched. My great-grandmother and I are enjoying the garden at my ant-infested, run-down house, which to me was the best and only house in the world. Cut to a patch of dandelions, from which I took the choicest samples to give to my mother as a present. I would blow the 'chuted seeds off the stems when they were ready to fly, back before I knew the difference between flowers and weeds.

Sometimes, on these cool, quiet nights, I sit at my desk and wonder what the hell I'm doing here. Why am I not home? Where is my home? Wherever I end up going in this life, I know there is no going back. "Back home" is just a memory superimposed on some nexus of points; it is a mental projection over the crossing of two imaginary lines on a map hanging on a wall. When I feel foolish I run to it. I try to step into the illusion and I suffer.

Whither will I take my withered roots?